The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries
September 2009, Jossey-Bass
US $19.95 Add to Cart
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THE BIG BOOK OF PARENTING SOLUTIONS: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries
“There is too much conflicting information out there, too many flavor-of-the-month parenting trends,” notes Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries (Jossey-Bass/A Wiley Imprint, September 2009, ISBN: 978-0-7879-8831-9, $19.95). “No wonder parents are so confused and frustrated. Despite having the best of intentions, they just don’t know what to do anymore, and despite all their efforts, they still don’t get the changes and results they want. Personally, I’d like to start a revolution called ‘Results-Driven Parenting,’ and that’s what I was thinking when I wrote this book.”
Borba’s new book addresses a staggering range of topics: from calming separation anxiety to dealing with picky eaters and homework haters to getting through to the tweens and teens in your life. The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is an all-encompassing, go-to guide that promises to be the last resource parents will ever need. Here are a few reasons why:
It’s a common-sense, take-charge alternative to all those flavor-of-the-month parenting trends. It seems like everything today is newer, better, faster—and then tomorrow it’s replaced by the next trend. The same goes for parenting. We are inundated daily with the latest and greatest in parenting advice. One day we’re supposed to back off and give our kids some space; the next day we’re supposed to be hands-on. With so much information out there, who’s to say which of you is right or wrong? The worst part is that most trend-based parenting focuses on quick solutions that rarely render lasting results.
Borba wants us to quit flying by the seat of our pants, hoping we’ve stumbled upon the best stuff out there, only to see the problem behavior come back. She wants us to practice take-charge parenting. And her book gives us the tools to do so.
“Parenting is not new, and neither are the problems that come along with it,” asserts Borba. “Parents get sucked into the latest trends, come to see that they don’t work, get deeply frustrated, and have to start back at square one. That is why I felt writing this book was so important. I wanted to provide parents with solid advice that has held up over the years. I wanted them to have all this proven information in one place. I wanted to put parents in the driver’s seat and help them end all the second-guessing. So I’ve provided the solutions. Parents need to choose what works for their kid…and then go parent!”
It’s research-driven. We live in a society in which everything from modern medicine to household cleaning products tout their effectiveness based on the research studies and lab tests that prove it. Why should parenting be any different? The research is out there—and it’s compelling. Numerous studies have shown that specific tactics work better on the common problems that most parents experience with their kids. Borba based her book on such tactics, doing the research for you and providing solutions you and your spouse can trust.
“In the past decade, significant research has yielded proven ways parents can influence their children’s emotional, social, and mental health. Parents want this information, but don’t have time to comb through the data. I sifted through years of research and pulled out the best of the best,” Borba says. “The confidence that using a research-based method instills in parents encourages them to stick with it, even when the results aren’t immediate. The numbers don’t lie, so parents can rest assured that their hard work will pay off in the long run.”
It’s a quick read. (Good news for overscheduled parents!) Nobody is busier than parents are. Between full-time jobs, busy school schedules, soccer practice, and dinner time, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. Needless to say, sitting down to read a parenting book cover to cover just isn’t feasible. Who has the time or the energy at the end of a long, stressful day to pore over its pages? Pick up Borba’s new book, and you can flip right to the chapter that focuses on the answers you need right now.
“If parents are faced with having to wade through pages of information or to make the commitment of reading a book cover to cover, they are most likely to give up on looking for answers, or they will turn to a less reliable source,” notes Borba. “That’s why I designed my book to work like a cookbook or a desk reference. Parents can look up the problem they want to address, flip right to the correct chapter, and find an easy-to-follow formula for getting the results they want.”
It tells you why there is a problem. Kids love to ask, “Why?” Parents do, too—or at least we should. Borba’s book helps you get to the root of the problem so you can begin to truly fix it—and to ensure that the results are both effective and long-lasting. Whether your child is a whiner, a bully, or a consummate worrier, understanding why he is that way can give you valuable insight into what may work for him moving forward.
“Taking your child’s problem at face value rather than delving into the reasons it’s happening is a common parenting mistake,” cautions Borba. “It’s treating the symptoms instead of the disease—the problem will just pop up again later, perhaps in a different form. I felt like it was important for parents to understand why they were facing certain issues with their kids in the hopes that a better understanding would breed better results.”
It gives you good behaviors to replace the bad ones. So you’ve identified the bad behavior—now what? Borba’s book tells you exactly “what.” For every bad behavior, she provides a good one to replace it. It’s the “do this, not that” of the parenting world. For example, if your child is overly argumentative, Borba provides key phrases she can use to get her point across respectfully. This way, she feels like her opinion is being heard, and you are restoring respect and peace in your household at the same time.
“Providing parents with tangible, easy-to-implement replacement behaviors gives them a better idea of how to move forward—keeping them both motivated and confident when they may be at their weariest,” Borba explains. “Children form habitual behaviors early, and it’s tough to overcome these habits later, so the sooner you get them doing the ‘right’ thing, the better.”
It doesn’t shy away from the tough issues. Gone are the days of June Cleaver when tackling the “tough parenting” issues meant dealing with sibling rivalry or a kid who snuck one too many cookies from the jar. Today’s parents are tackling issues that are bigger and scarier than ever, and Borba’s book doesn’t hesitate to address each and every one of them head-on.
“There are so many parents who are desperate to find help for issues that many may consider taboo,” Borba continues. “It’s hard to find advice for the parent who has a ten-year-old with an eating disorder, a son being bullied online, or a teen with a real substance abuse problem. These are real issues that real parents are facing every day, and I wanted to make sure that those parents had a place to look for answers as well.”
It acknowledges that 8 is the new 13. If you’ve taken a look around lately, you may have noticed that the kids in your child’s fifth grade class are starting to look more and more like the classmates of your high-schooler. Yikes! And with exposure to the internet and television at an all-time high, many of the problems parents once faced with budding teenagers are now coming home with their eight-year-olds.
“So many parents are surprised at just how early kids start to form attitudes and habits, both good and bad,” says Borba. “For example, young girls are now developing body image and eating disorders by the age of six. And by the time parents have figured out a way to address these issues effectively, it’s often too late to turn their child’s behavior around. I wrote this book with that in mind, so that no issue is limited to a certain age bracket, and so parents can get solutions to tough problems, no matter what age their kids are.”
It tells you when it’s time to consult a professional. As a parent, it’s natural to want to make all your child’s boo-boos go away. But sometimes a child’s problem may be bigger than her parents’ ability to solve it. Borba’s book helps you determine what “normal” kid behavior is and what requires the guidance of a professional. For every problem she addresses, she lists the warning signs that indicate the need to seek outside help.
“Parents tend to feel a sense of failure when they try and try, yet can’t ‘fix’ their child’s problem,” she notes. “What I want all parents to understand is that getting help from an outside source isn’t giving up at all. It’s an act of love to get your child the help he needs. And it’s the very definition of great parenting. Knowing when it’s time to get help can give parents the peace of mind they need to take that next step.”
It provides real, immediate, lasting results. Being a parent is hard. Even on the best days it can be exhausting and confusing and trying. And when you’ve spent countless hours trying to combat the same problem over and over again, it’s just plain tough to keep going. That’s why Borba wanted to give parents a book that would provide them with solutions that would provide real results—not just band-aids or quick fixes. When parents see that their efforts are paying off, they stay motivated and encouraged, and that is paramount to lasting success.
“I’ve found that success breeds success,” Borba says. “When parents are able to successfully navigate one problem, they think, I can do this! They feel encouraged and motivated to keep going when other issues arise. My goal with this book is to equip struggling parents with the tools to be successful—and to quickly see a change in their kids that is both real and lasting.”
Dr. Borba is an expert you can trust. Let’s face it—there are plenty of people out there claiming to be experts on any number of topics. All it takes is an internet connection and a strong opinion for the next “parenting expert” to be born. True experts not only have credentials, they also have the years of experience to back them up—and that’s why Dr. Michele Borba is a source parents can trust and depend on.
She’s an educator and motivational speaker with a solid knowledge of child development who has written 22 books on the subject of parenting and who has spent countless hours in the classroom teaching others the lessons she compiled into this book. A frequent contributor to NBC’s Today show, she regularly serves as a guest expert on talk shows and news segments and writes for a variety of magazines.
“I have spent years working with troubled parents who are looking for answers to a myriad of child-raising issues,” notes Borba. “I’m the mother of three grown sons—so I’ve been in the same trenches—and I know how hard it can be. My passion is to share what I’ve learned with others so that they can get the help they need and deserve.”
“Never forget that you’re doing the most important job in the world,” adds Borba. “Your goal is to raise happy, healthy, self-adjusted human beings who know how to behave even when you’re not standing there watching them. Actually, that’s the only barometer of good parenting, whether or not your kids can act right without you.
“Don’t leave it up to chance that you’re making the right decisions, and don’t put your trust in dubious sources,” she adds. “Examine the evidence, make sure it feels right to you, then take action. Then you can feel confident that you’re giving this thing called parenting your very best shot.”