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Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them From Behind: How to Nurture High-Achieving Athletes, Scholars, and Performing Artists



Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them From Behind: How to Nurture High-Achieving Athletes, Scholars, and Performing Artists

Ian Tofler M.D., Theresa Foy DiGeronimo

ISBN: 978-0-787-95223-5 September 2000 Jossey-Bass 256 Pages


Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them From Behind is acommon sense guide for moms and dads of talented and giftedchildren. In this practical book, authors Dr. Ian Tofler andTheresa Geronimo--experts in the field of parenting--present theirSeven-Step Program for Encouraging and Protecting High-AchievingChildren. This innovative program offers guidance for establishinghealthy boundaries between parents' ambitions and the needs oftheir talented children and clear-cut instructions for helpingchildren balance achievement with happiness.

To read Debating What is Best for Our Children, an excerpt fromthis book,click here.


Debating What is Best for Our Children.

From Benign to Abusive.


Step 1: Define and Evaluate "Talent" Why Evaluate Talent?;
Six Points of Talent Evaluation;
Advice from the Experts.

Step 2: Selecting Classes, Schools, and Camps that Cater toHigh-Achieving Children Evaluate Four Motives for Special Training:1) Improvement of Skill, 2) Supportive Environment, 3) EliteExposure, 4) Resume Building; and Advice From the Experts.

Step 3: Beware Abusive Instructors Avoiding the Win-At-Any-CostInstructor;
The Burden of Star Makers;
Understanding The Verbal Batterer;
The Danger of the Parent Substitute;
Beware the Sexual Abuser;
Advice from the Experts.

Step 4: Weigh the Cost of Sacrifice Childhood Sacrifices;
Parental Sacrifices;
Sibling Sacrifices;
Advice from the Experts.

Step 5: Look Beyond the Talent Into the Future Look Beyond theTalent;
Look Where You're Going;
Beware the Downside of Competition;
Watch Those Social Skills;
Minimize Chronic Stress;
Nurture Your Parent/Child Relationship;
Advice from the Experts.

Step 6: Beware the Red Flags of Achievement by Proxy DistortionBurnout;
Psychological Pain and Illness;
Eating Disorders;
Substance Abuse;
Answering a Cry For Help.

Step 7: Take a Good Look at your Parenting Style AutocraticController;
Narcissistic and Needy;
Financially Hungry;
Overly Competitive;
Frustrated Wanna-Be or Has-Been;
Living in Denial;
Untangling the Roots of ABPD;
Encourage and Support.


Chapter Notes.
"This book provides the third voice that parents of gifted chidlrenreally need to help make the difficult everyday decisions. How muchstudy or practice is too much versus too little? How much pressureor competition is an incentive for a child's mastery, and how muchis too stressful for a young talented person?" (Bonnie and FredWaitzkin, Bonnie Waitzkin, director of chess program for giftedelementary school children, Fred Waitzkin, author, Searching forBobby Fischer and The Last Marlin.)

"An excellent book for all parents to read! It fills a voidespecially for parents with kids in sports." (Joan Ryan, author,Little Girls in Pretty Boxes)

"A concise yet richly developed book on a critical topic for thiscentury, by a well-respected psychiatrist." (Ron Kamm, M.D., vicepresident, International Society for Sport Psychiatry and fellow ofthe American Psychiatric Association)

"Tofler and DiGeronimo's pre-eminent book develops reasonedapproaches to the development of healthy, successful, and talentedchildren, while avoiding the potentially damaging, even deadlydemands placed upon their young shoulders. . . . [they] haveprovided marvelous examples, suggestions, guidelines, andconclusions. They will show you how to define the distinctionsbetween healthy nurturing and harmful exploitation as you bringyour talented, highly talented or even genius children in a familysetting." (Larry Stone, M.D., past president, American Academy ofChild and Adolescent Psychiatry, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry,University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio)