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The Gender Communication Handbook: Conquering Conversational Collisions between Men and Women

The Gender Communication Handbook: Conquering Conversational Collisions between Men and Women

Audrey Nelson, Claire Damken Brown

ISBN: 978-1-118-23867-7

May 2012, Pfeiffer

320 pages




This is the go-to comprehensive reference for understanding why and how women and men communicate the way they do. This guide is filled with expert advice, real-life case studies, self-assessments, experiential exercises, and action steps that help men and women transcend barriers and enhance their communication with the opposite sex. The Gender Communication Handbook provides trainers and human resource professionals with an accessible program enabling men and women to open the lines of communication so work gets done and productivity and profits soar.

"This is great work—practical, research-based, and fun. If ever there was a strong ROI in time and money, working on gender communication is it."
JULIE O'MARA, past national president, American Society for Training and Development, and coauthor of the best-selling book, Managing Workforce 2000

"An invaluable resource to help understand underlying differences in communication styles so that work gets done, conflicts get resolved, and reciprocal respect prevails in the workplace. Highly readable and engaging."
REBECCA RITTER, senior human resource business partner, Oracle Corporation

"Just what every man and woman needs to learn for the rules of engagement with the opposite sex. Very appropriate and timely for today's workplace."
MICHELLE HAINES, technical customer management/web analyst, Seagate Technologies

"This guide is a nuts-and-bolts approach to enhancing workplace communication between the sexes. It addresses the chronic problems men and women encounter every day."
GEOFF SIMPSON, vice president and manager, Standard Steam Trust LLC

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Exercises and Tables xi

Preface xv

Acknowledgments xix

The Authors xxi

Introduction 1

CHAPTER 1 Getting Started: Are Men and Women Just Born Different or Do They Learn to Be Different? 7

Learning Objectives 7

Introduction 8

Section 1: Introduction to Gender: It’s Complicated 10

Section 2: What Do Women and Men Really Think of Each Other? 19

Section 3: Transcending Gender: The Androgynous Answer 23

CHAPTER 2 He Speaks, She Speaks: What Different Things They Say 35

Learning Objectives 35

Introduction 36

Section 1: Talk the Talk: Facts and Fiction About Sex Differences in Speech Communication 37

Section 2: Different Speech Styles, Outcomes, and Missed Connections 48

Action Steps for Men 62

Action Steps for Women 63

CHAPTER 3 Gender Conversation Technicalities: Interruptions, Overlapping, and Other Turn-Taking Dilemmas 65

Learning Objectives 65

Introduction 66

Section 1: How He and She Interrupt and Overlap Their Talk 67

Section 2: Women’s and Men’s Perspectives: Other and Self 77

Action Steps for Men 85

Action Steps for Women 86

CHAPTER 4 Women, Men, and Unspoken Messages 87

Learning Objectives 87

Introduction 88

Section 1: Unspoken Gender Messages 88

Section 2: Gender Touch and Power at Work 101

Section 3: Space: The Final Gender Frontier 115

Section 4: Something in the Way She and He Move: Women’s and Men’s Gestures and Movements 123

The Voice’s Message 130

Action Steps for Men 132

Action Steps for Women 133

CHAPTER 5 How She and He Listen 135

Learning Objectives 135

Introduction 136

Section 1: Listening Between Him and Her 137

Section 2: Women and Men Do Listen Differently 149

Section 3: Improved Listening Skills for Women and Men 160

Action Steps for Men 169

Action Steps for Women 170

CHAPTER 6 Men, Women, and Conflict: Take It Like a Man Versus Nice Girls Don’t Do Conflict 171

Learning Objectives 171

Introduction 172

Section 1: The Playground as Battleground 173

Section 2: Nice Girls Don’t Do Confl ict 188

Section 3: Play Fighting 190

Section 4: The Anger Advantage 194

Rule Makers and Rule Breakers: Is There a Double Standard in Expressing Anger? 202

Section 5: Crying as a Female Trademark 205

Action Steps for Men 215

Action Steps for Women 216

CHAPTER 7 He and She Wired 217

Learning Objectives 217

Introduction 218

Section 1: He and She: The Smiley Face Dilemma 219

How and Why He and She Use Emoticons 223

Section 2: E-Mail Showdown: One Sentence Versus One Paragraph 228

Section 3: Why Can’t He Be Nice? 232

Section 4: Can E-Mail Level the Playing Field for Women? 236

Action Steps for Men 239

Action Steps for Women 240

CHAPTER 8 Final Thoughts on Reaching

Across the Gender Divide 241

Learning Objectives 241

Introduction 242

Options for Closing the Training Program 242

Action Plan and Next Steps 256

CHAPTER 9 Example One-Hour Program 263

Learning Objectives 263

Introduction 264

Example 1: Conquering Conversational Collisions Between Men and Women 264

Example 2: Talk Remedies for Communication Between Men and Women 267

CHAPTER 10 A Half-Day Program 271

Learning Objectives 271

Introduction 272

Example 1: Conquering Conversational Collisions Between Men and Women 272

Example 2: Talk Remedies for Communication Between Men and Women 276

CHAPTER 11 A Full-Day Program 281

Learning Objectives 281

Introduction 282

Example 1: Conquering Conversational Collisions Between Men and Women 283

Example 2: Talk Remedies for Communication

Between Men and Women 289

Additional Instruments and Training Tools 297

Recommended Resources 305

References 307

Index 313