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The Power of Nice: How to Negotiate So Everyone Wins - Especially You!, Revised and Updated



The Power of Nice: How to Negotiate So Everyone Wins - Especially You!, Revised and Updated

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Learn to get what you want without burning bridges

In this revised and updated edition of the renowned classic The Power of Nice, negotiations expert, sports agent, New York Times bestselling author, attorney, business leader and educator, Ron Shapiro, shares the key principles of effective negotiation through a combination of a time-tested process, anecdotes, and exercises. Drawing on his unparalleled experiences from the worlds of sports, law, business and politics, as well as dealing with life issues common to us all, Shapiro takes you through the steps of his systematic approach: The Three Ps, Prepare-Probe-Propose.

Learn how to use the process to empower you in negotiations. Regardless of your level of experience or the extent of your confidence, you will get what you want while building stronger relationships for the future. This updated edition contains:

  • Significant new material including an expanded view of its applicability to a broad array of business and life challenges
  • a new streamlined version of the Preparation Checklist
  • a more precise understanding of the concept of WIN-win
  • forewords by Cal Ripken, Jr., and Ambassador Charlene Barshefsky, and an Epilogue highlighting negotiation lessons from the life of Nelson Mandela

The book also provides a link to reinforcement of its lessons through the website of the Shapiro Negotiations Institute.

Whether you are negotiating with, among others, a customer or client, a boss or government official, or even setting a teenager's curfew or getting a last seat on an airplane, this invaluable guide will help you read the other side and bring the power of human psychology and a time-tested process to the negotiating table. If you're tired of uneven "compromise" and the feeling of being manipulated, turn the tables for good with The Power of Nice, and learn strength from the master himself.

Foreword to the Revised Edition by Ambassador Charlene Barshefsky xi

Foreword to the First Edition by Cal Ripken, Jr. xiv

Acknowledgments xvi

Introduction: Why Change What Works? 2

1 Negotiation 5

“I’ll Burn That Bridge When I Come to It” 5

Your First Deal 7

What Negotiation Isn’t 11

Filling the Negotiator’s Toolbox 18

What Negotiation Is 19

What Negotiation Can Be 23

Refresher 26

2 I Win–You Lose Negotiation—An Exercise in Flawed Logic 29

Enemies and Entrenched Positions 29

Hit and Run 32

I’m Not One of Them, Am I? 35

At Least One Dissatisfied Party 43

Refresher 45

3 WIN–win Negotiation 47

Myth and Reality 47

Achieving WIN–win 49

Good Deals Echo, They Lead to More Deals 51

WIN–win Is Not Wimp–Wimp 52

Roadblocks, Minefields, and Wisdom 55

Putting It Together 57

Refresher 64

4 The Three Ps—A Systematic Approach 67

Prepare, Probe, and Propose 70

Refresher 79

5 Prepare…or Else 81

Preparation: The Aerobics of Negotiation 81

How Prepared Are You for Your Negotiations? 82

The Numbers and Letters Game 83

The Numbers and Letters Game Continued… 84

How to Prepare (and How Not To) 87

The Preparation Checklist 89

A Case Study: The Sur-Real Sales Challenge 97

Confidence Is the Secret Weapon (But the Real Secret Is That Preparation Is the Key to Confidence) 104

Sources of Information 105

Refresher 110

6 Probe, Probe, Probe 113

The Other Side Is Trying to Tell You How to Make the Deal 113

W.H.A.T.? The Probing Technique 120

The Don’ts—How Not to Probe 126

Listening 128

The Zoologist 133

Learning to Listen 135

Refresher 138

7 Propose–But Not Too Fast—Getting the Other Side to Go First 141

Role Playing 141

Proposing for Real 146

The Three Rules Behind Propose 149

Making Counterproposals 153

Refresher 158

8 Difficult Negotiators 161

…And the Award for Most Difficult Negotiator Goes to … 162

Dealing with the Difficult Negotiator (without Becoming One) 166

Emotional Tactics—Nonemotional Responses 170

Challenging Personalities 173

Refresher 177

9 Negotiating from Weakness 179

Perceived Weakness versus Real Weakness 179

Expand the Goals 181

Locate Allies 182

Never Let Them See You Sweat 185

Brainstorming 187

Refresher 192

10 Unlocking Deadlocks 195

If Nothing Works, Change Something 195

Find Reasons to Agree 200

Get Creative 200

Objective Mechanisms 205

Sometimes No Deal Is the Best Deal 209

If Deal Fever Persists, Keep Saying “No” 209

Refresher 216

11 Building Relationships 219

Today versus Tomorrow: How Long Is the Long Run? 219

A Relationship Tool: Bonding 221

The Meet-and-Bond Style 222

Rebonding 225

No Faux Bonding 227

Practice Makes Bonding 228

The Value of Relationships 231

Refresher 234

12 Putting It All Together 237

The Major League Baseball Owners versus the Major League Umpires (and the Major League Umpires versus Themselves) 237

Refresher 244

Epilogue: Nelson Mandela—When the Power of Nice Changed a Nation 247

Reinforcement Tools Link 251

Post-Negotiation Assessment Questionnaire 253

Negotiator’s Toolbox 255

Index 257